Preface This

Boss Man has an annoying habit of prefacing every conversation with a statement to show how busy he is or how important he must be. I'm not really sure the point of the preface as he only has a handful of them and uses them incessantly. Like the boy who cried wolf, he has worn the edge of his preface blade so it results in a dull and irritating thump on the noggin instead of the slicing motivator he probably intends it to be.

Let's review the most common prefaces. These selected gems from his repertoire come at us on a daily basis.

"I'm in a flap." - This is his prized gem. Multiple uses daily. I've heard it for years but still don't know what a flap is or how he gets in it. I just picture in my mind a sleeping bag that he's zipped all the way up and now can't get his hands out to undo the zipper. Someday I'm going to find that elusive flap that keeps showing up and destroy it so he doesn't get in it anymore.

"I've got people chasing me." - Yikes! If I had people chasing me I'd let everyone know too so they could help get them off my scent. So scary. But in his world what this means is that he's taken two phone calls and both calls were from people who need something and now he is after you to help him get these people what they need.

"I'm in a sprint." - Ah, yes he is. He's moving fast because there is something else he'd rather be doing. And because he is the boss, what he needs and what he is doing outweighs anything you are doing even if it is something he needs to get the people chasing him off his back.

"I'm on the move." - See "I'm in a sprint."

"I'm going under." - This is slowly catching up to "I'm in a flap." in its usage quantities. Boss Man is singular minded which means he can only do one thing at a time. Definitely not a multitasker (which as a side note he thinks is a bull$h!t term and way overused). So when he pulls out "I'm going under." what he means is "I've got two or more things to do and I can't mentally handle it".

Because I am beginning to understand some of his neurosis I have developed some critical responses to the preface. The responses change from day to day but they serve the same purpose. Satisfaction. If only in my head, I want satisfaction. I say this because he never responds to my verbal parry to his preface attack. For example last week after he ran in telling me that "he's got people chasing him" I asked him "do you want me to cap some knees 'cause that'll slow them down?" Blank look. Oh well, I enjoyed it.

So Tired

Ever had a week that you finish and wonder if you can do it again? I have.


This past week was a rough one. I'd like to not repeat it. The Boss Man is getting crazier by the day. If you would have asked me six months ago if this was possible I would have said an emphatic "NO Way!".


The additional craziness explained... partially... I was walking along with him at one point this week and we were talking about an ongoing project. Every ten or so steps he'd either interrupt me or himself with an under the breath curse accompanied by a full body jerk and a quick wave of the hand. It was like the tantrum of a five year old. But he just kept walking along and didn't say what was wrong. He just kept doing it. I just kept walking and talking like nothing was the matter. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Still debating that one.


Later on his way to lunch he walked into my office and did the same thing. This time it was followed up with him ripping the bluetooth earpiece from his head and tossing it on my desk. "The DAMN thing beeps every time I get an email!" Ah. The light comes on. Now I get it. He reacts to voicemails the same way. A quick curse and throw of the hands in utter exasperation any time he gets a new voice mail. Now with the new laws on hands free driving he wears one of those cursed bluetooth ear pieces any time he's away from his desk.

The wheels were turning. That morning when I showed up to work I had at least twenty emails from him asking for various things. I decided to answer all of them while he was at lunch. I could just see him sitting at the restaurant throwing his tantrums. Yep. I can be a little passive aggressive.



*** By the way the Ghost visited this week. Yes. We have a Ghost. I'll tell you about him soon. He's quite something.

Not Funny. Not.

Have you ever met somebody who is just not funny? Not only are they not funny but they think they're funny but are unable to tell a simple joke? Me too. I work for one.


He wants to be funny. He tries to be funny. He's just not. At all. Funny.


When he tries it comes off as pathetic. Sad really. It's typically a reused joke that someone else has already worn out.


For example, one night a couple of us were hanging out in the office just goofing off. One of the guys had a question about a knot and I showed him how to tie it. This began an informal knot class which led to the ultimate noose knot. After learing how to tie the knot my coworker took the string and knot and strung up this little knick-knack stuffed animal the boss has at his desk. He left it there for the boss to find the next morning hung from the ceiling above his computer.

I don't know why he did it, he just did. Which I guess is what made it funny. It was random. That kinda funny.


Flash to the next morning. I walk into my office to find a small statuette I had on my deskmy strung up in the same knot. This time there was a note attached to it from my boss which read "I got you back sucker!". Oh boy, I was on the floor in hysterics. Not. I didn't find it very funny but he did. He was just waiting for me to come in to watch my face when I saw it. I know this because he was standing right behind me when I turned around. He let me know how funny it was that he got me back.


My coworker who was the one who started it all was nearby trying not to laugh. That's what was funny and my boss had no idea. I just let him think that he got me.