Sunday, March 14, 2010

Preface This

Boss Man has an annoying habit of prefacing every conversation with a statement to show how busy he is or how important he must be. I'm not really sure the point of the preface as he only has a handful of them and uses them incessantly. Like the boy who cried wolf, he has worn the edge of his preface blade so it results in a dull and irritating thump on the noggin instead of the slicing motivator he probably intends it to be.

Let's review the most common prefaces. These selected gems from his repertoire come at us on a daily basis.

"I'm in a flap." - This is his prized gem. Multiple uses daily. I've heard it for years but still don't know what a flap is or how he gets in it. I just picture in my mind a sleeping bag that he's zipped all the way up and now can't get his hands out to undo the zipper. Someday I'm going to find that elusive flap that keeps showing up and destroy it so he doesn't get in it anymore.

"I've got people chasing me." - Yikes! If I had people chasing me I'd let everyone know too so they could help get them off my scent. So scary. But in his world what this means is that he's taken two phone calls and both calls were from people who need something and now he is after you to help him get these people what they need.

"I'm in a sprint." - Ah, yes he is. He's moving fast because there is something else he'd rather be doing. And because he is the boss, what he needs and what he is doing outweighs anything you are doing even if it is something he needs to get the people chasing him off his back.

"I'm on the move." - See "I'm in a sprint."

"I'm going under." - This is slowly catching up to "I'm in a flap." in its usage quantities. Boss Man is singular minded which means he can only do one thing at a time. Definitely not a multitasker (which as a side note he thinks is a bull$h!t term and way overused). So when he pulls out "I'm going under." what he means is "I've got two or more things to do and I can't mentally handle it".

Because I am beginning to understand some of his neurosis I have developed some critical responses to the preface. The responses change from day to day but they serve the same purpose. Satisfaction. If only in my head, I want satisfaction. I say this because he never responds to my verbal parry to his preface attack. For example last week after he ran in telling me that "he's got people chasing him" I asked him "do you want me to cap some knees 'cause that'll slow them down?" Blank look. Oh well, I enjoyed it.


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