Spring break brings more visits from Future Boss. It also brings his sister around more too. She doesn't come around as often so she's not as familiar with the surroundings as her brother.
This week I got a special visit from both. They teamed up on me to garnish some goodies from my office. Since it is the season of Lent I am abstaining from sugar for 40 days. Next to coffee, it is the closest thing I have to an addiction. For the 40 days I decided to empty my office of the typical stash of sweetened goodies.
"Hey kids! I guess it must be spring break since you should be in school this time of day."
"Yep" as they both check the bowl for the latest goody to snack on. The their dismay they find it empty. "Where's the candy?" asks Future Boss. Although he's younger he plays the ring leader.
"There is no money in the budget for candy this month"
"I don't believe you"
"Fair enough"
"Is it in your drawer?"
"Nope"
"Yes, it is"
'Sorry kids. No candy during Lent. You'll have to wait until Easter to have some in this office"
"Nope. You've got some."
"Nope. I don't." Now I'm in a silly argument with a kid. Uhg.
"Show me where the candy is or my sister will kick you in the crotch"
*Stunned* "She'll do what?"
"She will kick you in the crotch"
With the stern look of a father who won't take this from a kid no matter who his father is "Listen youngster. That is not appropriate and you need to leave at this moment."
They run away. To daddy.
Did I say anything to daddy? Nope. Guess where they learn this behavior. He'd just laugh it off like he has in the past. Sad really. Sad. This kid has no hope.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Preface This
Boss Man has an annoying habit of prefacing every conversation with a statement to show how busy he is or how important he must be. I'm not really sure the point of the preface as he only has a handful of them and uses them incessantly. Like the boy who cried wolf, he has worn the edge of his preface blade so it results in a dull and irritating thump on the noggin instead of the slicing motivator he probably intends it to be.
Let's review the most common prefaces. These selected gems from his repertoire come at us on a daily basis.
"I'm in a flap." - This is his prized gem. Multiple uses daily. I've heard it for years but still don't know what a flap is or how he gets in it. I just picture in my mind a sleeping bag that he's zipped all the way up and now can't get his hands out to undo the zipper. Someday I'm going to find that elusive flap that keeps showing up and destroy it so he doesn't get in it anymore.
"I've got people chasing me." - Yikes! If I had people chasing me I'd let everyone know too so they could help get them off my scent. So scary. But in his world what this means is that he's taken two phone calls and both calls were from people who need something and now he is after you to help him get these people what they need.
"I'm in a sprint." - Ah, yes he is. He's moving fast because there is something else he'd rather be doing. And because he is the boss, what he needs and what he is doing outweighs anything you are doing even if it is something he needs to get the people chasing him off his back.
"I'm on the move." - See "I'm in a sprint."
"I'm going under." - This is slowly catching up to "I'm in a flap." in its usage quantities. Boss Man is singular minded which means he can only do one thing at a time. Definitely not a multitasker (which as a side note he thinks is a bull$h!t term and way overused). So when he pulls out "I'm going under." what he means is "I've got two or more things to do and I can't mentally handle it".
Because I am beginning to understand some of his neurosis I have developed some critical responses to the preface. The responses change from day to day but they serve the same purpose. Satisfaction. If only in my head, I want satisfaction. I say this because he never responds to my verbal parry to his preface attack. For example last week after he ran in telling me that "he's got people chasing him" I asked him "do you want me to cap some knees 'cause that'll slow them down?" Blank look. Oh well, I enjoyed it.
Let's review the most common prefaces. These selected gems from his repertoire come at us on a daily basis.
"I'm in a flap." - This is his prized gem. Multiple uses daily. I've heard it for years but still don't know what a flap is or how he gets in it. I just picture in my mind a sleeping bag that he's zipped all the way up and now can't get his hands out to undo the zipper. Someday I'm going to find that elusive flap that keeps showing up and destroy it so he doesn't get in it anymore.
"I've got people chasing me." - Yikes! If I had people chasing me I'd let everyone know too so they could help get them off my scent. So scary. But in his world what this means is that he's taken two phone calls and both calls were from people who need something and now he is after you to help him get these people what they need.
"I'm in a sprint." - Ah, yes he is. He's moving fast because there is something else he'd rather be doing. And because he is the boss, what he needs and what he is doing outweighs anything you are doing even if it is something he needs to get the people chasing him off his back.
"I'm on the move." - See "I'm in a sprint."
"I'm going under." - This is slowly catching up to "I'm in a flap." in its usage quantities. Boss Man is singular minded which means he can only do one thing at a time. Definitely not a multitasker (which as a side note he thinks is a bull$h!t term and way overused). So when he pulls out "I'm going under." what he means is "I've got two or more things to do and I can't mentally handle it".
Because I am beginning to understand some of his neurosis I have developed some critical responses to the preface. The responses change from day to day but they serve the same purpose. Satisfaction. If only in my head, I want satisfaction. I say this because he never responds to my verbal parry to his preface attack. For example last week after he ran in telling me that "he's got people chasing him" I asked him "do you want me to cap some knees 'cause that'll slow them down?" Blank look. Oh well, I enjoyed it.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Shhh! Do You Smell That?
This must be a common problem at most work places... the smelly 'fridge. A communal food storage device is just asking for an odor problem. Am I right?
Ours reeks. Horribly. I'm afraid to put my food in there because I don't know what might be lurking that wants to glom onto my food. It's so bad it's hard to even open the door.
The strange thing is is that it is relatively new and appears to be clean. It is a late model euro design stainless steel model with all the auto-fancy gadgets. There is not a hint of mold crusted food or fuzzy fruit. By all appearances it should smell cold and fresh. But it does not.
I happen to be a brown-bagger so daily use of the icebox is pretty much a given. It is because of this daily use that I feel the need to solve the malodorous mystery. Others use it too but none have stepped forward to solve, let alone acknowledged that there is even a problem.
Last month I bought some Arm & Hammer refrigerator packs and put them in. Still stinks and I seem to be the only one that cares. I guess the next step is the bleach bath.
Ours reeks. Horribly. I'm afraid to put my food in there because I don't know what might be lurking that wants to glom onto my food. It's so bad it's hard to even open the door.
The strange thing is is that it is relatively new and appears to be clean. It is a late model euro design stainless steel model with all the auto-fancy gadgets. There is not a hint of mold crusted food or fuzzy fruit. By all appearances it should smell cold and fresh. But it does not.
I happen to be a brown-bagger so daily use of the icebox is pretty much a given. It is because of this daily use that I feel the need to solve the malodorous mystery. Others use it too but none have stepped forward to solve, let alone acknowledged that there is even a problem.
Last month I bought some Arm & Hammer refrigerator packs and put them in. Still stinks and I seem to be the only one that cares. I guess the next step is the bleach bath.
